thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
