I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
