I seem to have left my pride at pride
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
