I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
