C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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