Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
