I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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