ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So vagazzling was a success
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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