Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
