You're completely useless in the revolution.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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