I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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