I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
