just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
