There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
