I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
