I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
