I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Your cock deserves a montage
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
