I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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