I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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