What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
