Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
