It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
