so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
