he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
