how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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