I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
