So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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