Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
