I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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