and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
