Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
