sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My breasts were aching with rage.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
