On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
