i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
