please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
