they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
