I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
