some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
