he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
