Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
