What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
