How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
