You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
