Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
