apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
