You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
