I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
