Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
