I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
