I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
