Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
40s are totally the cure
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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