The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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