turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
